乜都有
以下係笑話
Heartbeats are countless.
Spirits are ageless
Dreams are endless
Memories are timeless
A friend like you...
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Useless!
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1st sms...
When u cry, i cry
when u laugh i laugh
when u angry i sad
when u smiling i happy
when u sad i sad
when u jump off the building, i say "Alamak confirm si liao" (確定 死了)
...........
( 已翻譯 )
有一天 熊 獅 雞一起談天 說人類最怕誰
熊說 我吼叫時 震響森林
獅說 我吼叫時 林木晃動
雞徐徐地說 我咳一咳 全世界也驚慌了........
..............
英語思維
哪個中國皇帝是盲的?
( Cant see / Kangxi 康熙 )
Want to hear a dirty joke? Two pigs jumped into the mud.
Want to hear a clean joke? They took a bath!
Twinkle Twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.
The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful
Why doesn't it rain on you?
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.
then ~
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack
God saw me hungry, HE created pizza .
HE saw me thirsty, HE created Pepsi
HE saw me in dark, HE created light
HE saw me without problems, HE created YOU.
When ur life is in darkness pray to God
ask him to free u from darkness
and if after you pray
and you're still in darkness,
please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL
地球的六個事實
1:你不能用舌頭舔到你所有的牙齒
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2: 看完之後，傻的會跟住做。
3: 你現在會心微笑，因為你是傻的。
4: 現在你想作弄你的朋友
5: 你想把這訊息廣傳
6: 1是錯誤的
狐狸為何不能爬樹?
Ans:腳滑 (狡猾)
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不要在廁所裏打電話。
有一天ａ走入廁格「Do his business」。突然他聽見另一廁格有人說”嗨，好嗎？”
ａ應：幾好
男又問：你做緊咩？
ａ應：旅行囉
ａ出廁所，男說：我可以過來嗎？
ａ大驚：不！我很忙咧！／ａ接著聽見男說：”嗨不談了，有個白痴在跟我講話．．”
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一夜 姐妹同眠 一天使出現 說: 我現在給每人一個願望，你現在只需許願，我可以將它達成
妹: 我要姐姐的雙倍。
姐姐許願了。
天使:你們都許了願了?
姐妹:是
眨眼間 姐姐上圍38 妹妹……
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小紅小黑小白小藍小黃想玩過山車
邊個唔玩得
小白 因為小白兔/吐
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An ant knocks the door of a public estate apartment. House owner opens the door. "I want a place to stay", said the ant . "I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost", said the owner. Ant went inside and occupied that vacant room. After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the owner "Can you please allow this ant to stay along with me". "Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent" said the owner. After some days the ant brought one more ant and requested the owner to allow that ant to stay with it. Owner agreed to it without asking for any rent. This continued i.e ant brings in one more ant and owner agrees for it. On one fine day, the ant brought in tenth ant and requested the owner to allow that tenth ant also to stay with it. The owner said "Ok, you all can stay here but you need to pay rent". Now the question is Why did the owner ask for rent when the tenth ant came in?
Ans: Because they are now Tenants (Ten ants，租戶)
姐姐許願了。
天使:你們都許了願了?
姐妹:是
眨眼間 姐姐上圍38 妹妹……
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小紅小黑小白小藍小黃想玩過山車
邊個唔玩得
小白 因為小白兔/吐
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An ant knocks the door of a public estate apartment. House owner opens the door. "I want a place to stay", said the ant . "I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free of cost", said the owner. Ant went inside and occupied that vacant room. After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the owner "Can you please allow this ant to stay along with me". "Oh sure, you can do so without paying any rent" said the owner. After some days the ant brought one more ant and requested the owner to allow that ant to stay with it. Owner agreed to it without asking for any rent. This continued i.e ant brings in one more ant and owner agrees for it. On one fine day, the ant brought in tenth ant and requested the owner to allow that tenth ant also to stay with it. The owner said "Ok, you all can stay here but you need to pay rent". Now the question is Why did the owner ask for rent when the tenth ant came in?
Ans: Because they are now Tenants (Ten ants，租戶)
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為何魚狡猾呢?
ans: 魚(騙/片)米粉
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on豆老婆生bb，點解on豆去pizza hut?
ans : Free delivery (可解速遞 亦解免費生子)
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小牛小雞小羊去7-11，為什麼小牛和小雞比人打?
ans:7-11 24小時不打烊(羊)
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包被燒死了。匙、叉、刀都在場，誰是兇手?
ans:叉 叉燒包
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什麼鞋最開心? / What shoes is the happiest one?
黑皮鞋 / Heipi/happy Xie
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有一天 小華 小明去吃東西 小華小明不付錢 為什麼餐廳沒有追呢?
ans: 有一天是個人...
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新加坡知識required
Q: A captain bought a new ship. He loaded all the electrical applicances onboard, except TV. Why?
A: Cos "xin1 chuan2 mei2 dian4 shi4" (Mediacorp新傳媒電視 新加坡第一大電視台).
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Q: 2 birds sitting on a tree branch, a goat was eating grass below the tree. a hunter came by, saw the goat and shot it. the female bird said something to the male bird and tio raped. what did the female bird told the male bird?
A: "xia4 mian4 yang2 si3 le"(下面羊/癢死了).
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Q: If Farm A sells vegetable and Farm B sells fish, wat does Farm C sell?
A: Medicine, cos Farmer C (pharmacy).
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Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing
nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him,
"Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle
and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared,
jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson - To be sitting and doing
nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed
the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
lowest branch
of the tree. The next day, after
eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly
spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Management Lesson - Bull shit might get you to
the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the bird froze and fell to the ground into a
large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung,
he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm
and
happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered
the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug
him out and ate him.
Management Lesson -
(1) Not everyone who shyts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shyt is your
friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shyt, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
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Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.
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Q: Why was the blonde confused when asked to calutate 10 + 7 on the calulator?
A: She couldn't find the 10 button (註︰西方人一向視金髮女郎為白痴，文化有異)
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深夜，巴士车仅剩一白衣女士在最后排，司机继续开车。
稍后无意中看到车镜，那女没了。惊，赶忙杀车。回头一看，女还坐那里。
司机心虚继续开车。不小心再看到车镜女又没了，大惊。急忙杀车。
回看。女依然在那里。司机一身冷汗继续开车。又看到车镜。女又不见了！
司机崩溃了。又急杀车，转过头，只见女缓慢走来，头发凌乱，满脸是血。司机身体已经僵硬。
不能动弹。那女用低沉声音说：老娘和你有仇啊？老娘一蹲下帮鞋带，你就急杀车？
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